October 25, 2006

Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Posted by vw bug at October 25, 2006 07:12 AM | TrackBack

Let's not forget the Mid-Life Sex crisis.

That's where you make more noise getting into the bed than you do once you're in it!

Posted by: Rave at October 25, 2006 08:35 AM

"I'm sorry Teach, it's VW's fault, she made me laugh!"

I trackbacked to you from my post. So early in the AM and I've already gotten in trouble 2x.

Posted by: michele at October 25, 2006 09:40 AM

Hmm...with your philosophy, I should be wise enough to debate Stephen Hawking and Einstein while half-asleep!

Posted by: Mrs_Who at October 25, 2006 04:30 PM

Uh, mid-life sucks. Your body takes twice as long to recover from jogging, sports, or anything else. My 20's were great...I was dirt poor, but I'll take the trade-off.

Posted by: Shawn at October 26, 2006 09:08 PM