July 20, 2005

More Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

A friend from the North sent me this and I just had to put it out here!

Florida Blessing

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.
Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine
While ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass
Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, a home to please
Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.

Bless the love bugs, two by two,
The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,
In FLORIDA, Lord, you've put them all!

But this is home, and here we'll stay,
So thank you Lord, for insect spray.

HOLD IT............there's more............


The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk. Ah, what a place to call home.

God Bless Our State of FLORIDA!

Posted by vw bug at July 20, 2005 07:12 AM | TrackBack

The heat, the bugs, the hurricanes...

What's the GOOD part about living in Florida? :-)

Posted by: Harvey at July 20, 2005 07:32 AM

Well, there's the...


And the...



Posted by: Ogre at July 20, 2005 07:45 AM

Heh...I love the heat, but it is definitely going to remain a fair bit warm down here this summer.

And see, if umm...well, maybe the hurricanes can cool us off if it gets too warm. :P Silver lining and all that.

Not much to say about the bugs, though. The state IS a giant swamp, after all.

Posted by: Lasciate at July 20, 2005 08:24 AM

Good god... mental note, never go to Florida in the summer.

Posted by: Contagion at July 20, 2005 08:42 AM

I know I know....we Yanks are not used to this heat, I feel like I am going to melt. Shorts on leather seats.......stick.....ouch.

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at July 20, 2005 09:44 AM

I'm still amazed at the idiots people who buy black cars with leather seats in Florida. It's hot and sweaty. Yuck!

You gotta visit Florida in summer. Nothing like getting off the airplane and breathing water. Or after 10 minutes swatting bugs. It's just something you have to try once. GRIN.

LOL! Yaa. Swamp land. I just paid an extra fee to build on my swamp land.

Good things about Florida? No Blizzards, the hurricanes are predictable - you can run if you want to, no earthquakes and the list goes on... Besides I live here. It's gotta be good now. GRIN.

Posted by: VW Bug at July 20, 2005 12:01 PM

Good things about Florida in the summer? Two only: The nice beaches with piss warm 85 degree ocean water to cool off in, and the snowbirds desert us during the monsoon season [hot months]... :D

Posted by: pam at July 20, 2005 03:27 PM

Alex would hate it. He would be killing flying bugs all day.

Posted by: Sally at July 20, 2005 05:34 PM

Ha! In my old hometown of Fresno, CA it was 108 last weekend. Of course "it's a dry heat!!"

Some consolation. However, I admit it. I turn into a whiny wuss whenever there's humidity and the temp climbs past 90 degrees. I guess people do eventually get used to it.

Posted by: Ben at July 22, 2005 12:28 AM