More Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to The monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you Think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.

As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound not like Anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus Into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He Tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a Seductive sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back To the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful Sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of Grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find the answers, you will have become a monk."

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns and knocks On the door of the monastery.

"I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for: By Design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you Ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and Reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door"

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door Is another door made of stone.

The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.

And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, gold and diamond.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."

The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind the door!

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is utterly amazed to find the source of that haunting and seductive sound......

But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments then asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels fantastic, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

Sing a Song

Many know that my second son is in speech therapy. Just like his brother was. And that is where it ends. Tater followed the book on learning to speak... one word, then descriptors, and then sentences... and Tot has his own way. It has been driving me crazy.

First the boy learned to count. Before he was 2 1/2 this PITA was counting to 40. I had him doing 'doggy tricks' for Bou. Write a number down and watch him tell it to you. But he would NOT ask for something to eat or drink or tell me what was wrong when he was sick. Ohhh... he picked up 4 or 5 words other words. Flower, slide, and a few others. Nothing helpful. Even the speech therapist could not convince him to talk. We played games, I would not give him something unless he made a sound, and so on.

Just last week, he decided to talk. Here are a few of the phrases he says "It's my turn", "Come please", "I want my water", "I want a cookie". The little turd. That is about all he says. And that is going to drive me crazy too. I'm starting to think that he is going to wait until he knows complete sentences before saying things. This might take months.

And then Sunday night he said something to melt my heart. I was putting him to bed and going to leave the room. "Come back Mommy". "Sing a song, Mommy". Me? He wanted me to sing???? Yaa. I went back and sung him a song. I couldn't resist. He fell asleep as I sang. Guess my voice isn't as bad as everyone else has been tellling me.

Someone Pinch Me

I must be dreaming! Just by chance I looked at my stats (long story about checking on my sister, Tink and ended up looking at my own) and almost fell over. I thought I had to be dreaming. Hence, I took a picture of it... here it is:

For the first time in two years, I got 'launched'... Instapundit linked to me... Wow. And then I realized there were so many links I couldn't list them all without it taking all night. I have hosted the Carnival of Recipes three times and this is the very first time I have had so many hits in one day. Thank you to everyone that participated and for those who linked to me. Wow. Just Wow.

Guess I really ought to look at my stats more than once every six months. I didn't realize I had so many readers even before yesterday... Maybe I ought to take a poll and see what everyone likes to see most? Naaaa. You can always leave a comment.

Carnival of Recipes is Here

Carnival of Recipes

Note: This will be the only post for today as well... back to the regular posting tomorrow!

Being Memorial Day weekend, I thought I would give you THIS LINK to the US Memorial Day History and Information site.

Often we do not observe the day as it should be, a day where we actively remember our ancestors, our family members, our loved ones, our neighbors, and our friends who have given the ultimate sacrifice:

• * by visiting cemeteries and placing flags or flowers on the graves of our fallen heroes.


• * by visiting memorials.


• * by flying the U.S. Flag at half-staff until noon.


• * by flying the 'POW/MIA Flag' as well (Section 1082 of the 1998 Defense Authorization Act).


• * by participating in a "National Moment of Remembrance": at 3 p.m. to pause and think upon the true meaning of the day, and for Taps to be played.


• * by renewing a pledge to aid the widows, widowers, and orphans of our fallen dead, and to aid the disabled veterans.

I think a gathering of the family to celebrate and remember our loved ones, our ancestors, and our friends who died in conflicts and wars is a good way to show what this holiday means. And whenever my family gathers, there is always food. I hope that there is in your household as well... and here are some delicious recipes to help you make something scrumptious out of that food. And being particularly busy, I stole plagiarized a lot of the phrases directly from the blogger's post. If something looks familiar, it's because you saw it here first. ;-)

Get those grocery lists out... I'm telling you that there are some recipes you will be wanting to make tomorrow for your family.

Breakfast:

Here is Blackberry Gingerbread Waffles that make your mouth water just thinking about them. Thanks to Shawn from Everything and Nothing for this entry.

Salads & Soups:

A healthy alternatives to oil-based salad dressings. Give these three dressings from Joel Fuhrman, M.D. a try!

It is yummy and summery, perfect for the holiday weekend. Dill Pickle Potato Salad from CalTechGirl at Not Exactly Rocket Science.

You want food, but you don’t want that stuff that comes from ripping the lid off a box of instant something. Here’s a way to a great warm bowl of something... easy and pretty quick... Lentil Soup from Mostly Cajun at Mostly Cajun.

Smoked Salmon & Corn Salad from the General at The BBQ General not only does this taste great with all things BBQ, but it has gorgeous color!

Caesar Salad from Riannan at In the Headlights gives us a nice substitute for the raw egg yolk issue. Give it a try.

Lunch:

Perfect for lunch or a light supper on a hot day is this Garden Vegetable 'Pizza' from the Deputyheadmistress at the Common Room.

Burgers are always good for lunch or dinner. These Bean burgers from Recipe at Recipes Recipe sound delicious.

Dinner:

From Professor Bainbridge on Wine we have a simple and tasty
Swordfish and Gnocchi in Tomato Sauce

Get your kids to eat some spinach with Saag Paneer from the Wacky Hermit at Organic Baby Farm.

A bizarre but tasty dinner dish. Easily scaled. It's called Handheld Hawaiian Haystacks from George at the In the Interest of Me.

Smok'n! Actually there is an excellent write up on how to 'smoke' with your grill. Then two wonderful recipes to try out at the end. Cold Smoked, Brined Port Roast will give you a very delicious succulent pork roast. And for something different, there is the Hot Smoked Guajillo Strip Steaks. Spicy but by no means hot.

A wonderfully easy but tasty dish of Stuffed Italian Chicken Breasts from Neo at More to Follow.

Looking for a change of pace for your burgers this holiday weekend? Try this recipe for black bean & vegie burgers from Marie at Practigal.

Simple and delicious is this Mom's Chicken Marinara from Tink at Tink's Tribulations.

Dessert:

When you fire up the barbie for your favorite chicken or fish, try this quick dessert as well. The Grilled Pineapple with Coconut Mousse from Green Mountain at A Weight Lifted.

Raspberry Muffins... to die for! These Raspberry Muffins from Maureen at Trinity Prep School sound easy to make and easier to eat!

Something cool and delicious for the hot Memorial weekend. Key Lime Mousse from Kevin at Seriously Good.

This Baja Date Cake from Adam at Men In Aprons is very simple and easy to make. He even posted a picture of it. Yummy.

This Mandarin Orange Cake from keewee at Keewee's Corner is a moist fruity cake and very quick, easy to make.

Brownies with a special name from Sticks at From Chaos to Serendipity. They look easy to make and made my mouth water just reading about them.

Miscellaneous and Side Dishes:

There are a whole lot more recipes over at me-ander since muse is hosting a kosher cooking carnival. She has even included a couple of recipes of her own.

I love breads... all kinds of breads. And before children, I use to make bread from scratch. I have never had nor made Nan (Fried Leavened Bread). Bill from World Famous Recipes was kind enough to submit this recipe for us to try.

This Quick and Easy Asparagus recipe from NerdMom at the Nerd Family brought back memories. My mom would never let us eat the asparagus when she had them for the dinner vegie for a long time. By the time we were teenagers we loved them. Something about loving what you can't have. GRIN.

Curried Noodle Kugle from triticale at the wheat / rye guy makes a main course side dish. Certainly sounds tasty!

Thanks to everyone that submitted a recipe. It makes for a wonderful weekend to see all this delicious food.

UPDATE: This LINK will show you the past and present and future Carnival of Recipes. And next week we have the beautiful SarahK at Mountaineer Musing hosting.

UPDATE #2: Tink did the graphic names for me!

Calling all Munuvians

Grau Magnus has asked to move to Mu.Nu. I have nominated him HERE. If you are a munuvian, please go over and give your vote. I would prefer you give a vote of yes. ;-)

Where Are You?

Or another title would be ... How To Give Mom a Heart Attack.

Doing laundry in my house can always be entertaining when you have boys... Tot decided to show me a new trick...

Picture this:

= = = = =

And then I turn around I see this:

= = = = =

Luckily he did this a couple of times so I could get pictures. My first reaction was not one of cuteness or thinking about taking a picture. It was of shock finding my laundry moving. Gotta love it when they help with the chores.

Life is Like a plate of Cake

Tink very kindly made this scrapbook page online for me.

This is what is said in the lower right corner...

Life is like a plate of Cake, it is all in how you make it.

Odd Conversation

Background: Mom is taking Tater and his friend, J, to a karate class. J is already a member and we were going to see if Tater wanted to join. And the answer was NO, he did not want to join. Tot on the other hand was all about getting out there and participating. He just isn't old enough... now we are on the trip home... J has a Thomas the Tank Engine toy that he is playing with in the car, Tater has a hot wheels car. These items are left in the van for amusement purposes.

Conversation:

J -> I want to take Thomas home with me.
Tater -> NO! He has to stay in the car.
J -> I'll give him back on Saturday.
Tater -> NO!
J -> It's nice to share.
Tater -> I am sharing. You have it now.
J -> If I can't take it home, I'm going to cry.
Tater -> If you don't give it back, I'm going to cry.

At this point, I missed part of the conversation because I was trying everything I knew not to burst out in laughter.

Oh yaa... I wanted this conversation recorded for future blackmail. If I had just had a tape recorder handy!

Where Are Those Recipes???

Eeek. I have 5 recipes so far. That means the other 15 will be here Saturday night. Come on folks... get them in early. Make my life just a teensy bit easier!

Oh, I forgot to tell you HOW to get the recipes to me? My bad... it is real easy. You can submit it via the BlogCarnival submission form and use the Carnival = "Carnival of recipes" to get it to me. Or there is another submission form at the Conservative Cat. And finally, you can send the post's link and trackback to recipe (dot) carnival (at) gmail (dot) com.

Phew. Ok, you got the info. Get it to me ASAP!!! PLLLEEEAAASSSEEE

Tot's Learning To Speak

While at Orlando, Tot decided to check out the hotel room. It was my duty to watch the kids while my husband was in the bathroom. Needless to say, I was playing with Tater and NOT watching Tot. Until I heard a door open. I turned around just in time to hear Tot say "Ewwwwwwww Stinky". Oh yaa. That made me laugh and made it even harder to get Tot away from the bathroom. Gotta love those kids and the first words they learn to say.

Left Out SeaWorld Adventures

While in Orlando last week, we also went to SeaWorld. Tink got the greatest picture for me. A VW Bug painted like Shamu with the SeaWorld logo on it. Did I mention she saw it at a Disney hotel? Very funny!

Here I am swimming with the fish!

= = = =

And here I am again, at the Shamu show... (ok ok, so I'm practicing the stuff my sister showed me on Paint Pro...)

= = = =

If you ever get a chance to go to SeaWorld, it is very relaxing. And for those that drink beer... it is a way to get free beer. That Busch stuff.

Another Birth in Progress

Life is a little strange in the blog world. I am my sister's mother. And while emailing to Sticks, she mentioned that

Since she and I are sisters and you and she are sisters that make you and I sisters? This family tree must be of the ficus variety because we are a twisted bunch.

I couldn't see say it better myself. What is this all about? My sister, Tink, has decided to start a blog. I am psyched!!! She is smart, witty and has a great twisted sense of humor.

She has the traditional sucky first post. And she was brave enough to post a picture of me without any help. Probably because I would have said NO NO NO. Ahhh. The difficulties of having an older sister as a child.

Please go welcome Tink to the blogosphere at

Side Note: I realize from this that I have been adding people to my RSS reader but not on my site. If you are missing from my side bar, please let me know. I will try to add people over the next couple of days.

More Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

A British company is developing computer chips which store music, to be implanted in women's breasts. This is viewed as a major breakthrough as, up until now, women have complained that men were staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

A contestant on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win the million dollars. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it

A) the condor;

B) the buzzard;

C) the cuckoo; or

D) the vulture?"

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it. Mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde.

But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is 'C' -- the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

Time was up. "I need an answer," said Regis.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C) the cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.

"Yes, that is my final answer," she said, breaking into a sweat. After the usual foot-dragging delay Regis said, "I regret to inform you that that answer is .. absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice."

"You're welcome!" the blonde said.

"By the way," the winner said, not being able to contain the question anymore. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."

Get Those Recipes in EARLY!

Listen up folks. I have gone totally insane. I volunteered to help out the Carnival of Recipes. They had a lot of empty spots around now and I took this week's spot. I have gotten a lot of good recipes out of it and hated to see it sputter along because summer vacation was headed our way.

This means the later you get in the recipe, the more likely it will end up in next week's recipe post. Limited time and two small children. You get the picture.

Long with my normal life, I have a special surprise I'm going to announce over the next couple of days. All of this will keep me very busy.

MGM for Kids

Mom and Dad enjoyed the playground as much as the kids. But they look so much cuter in the pictures:

= = = =

And this slide just makes me wonder...

M.I.C....K.E.Y....

Here are a few more pictures to make you smile...

= = = =

And when nothing else at Epcot can make your kids smile... let them play on the lawn. 'Rolling down the green hill, Rolling down the green hill..."

= = = =

Did I mention I was traveling with males? After a few gaseous moments... I understood this picture a whole lot more:

Feeling Creative?

"Text blatantly stolen from Contagion"

Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks has decided to have a mid-life crisis. How one just ups and decides this is beyond me, but he has. To make matters even goofier he can’t come up with something to do as part of his crises and has asked his readers for suggestions.

There are rules and judges. Check it out HERE and see if you can add any creative ideas to help him with his mid-life crisis. I'm about as creative as a rock, but I know there are those out there that can come up with some great ideas. I'm looking forward to seeing what is suggested.

Carnival of Recipes is Up!

Seems like the week just flew by me... then again, Disney, ER visit, sick children, my sister coming to visit... yaa it did fly by. And the Carnival of Recipes is ready for you. It is a special one this week! Crock Pot recipes. My kind of recipes lately. Go check it out at PractiGal's post on What a Crock!

Tink Has Left The Building

Tink and Pan have left. Actually they left early this morning. They are already home. We were busy this morning... she was trying to teach me how to use a paint program. She showed me how to put a picture together in 5 minutes last night. Ok Ok... she did it in 5 minutes. Layers and all those foreign words... In 5 minutes she created this:

And all morning I was writing directions and trying to figure out how to do something similar. Hopefully in a day or two I can put out a picture of my own!!! Then again, if it continues to take me an hour to do it... maybe you'll get one picture. ;-)

Little Llamas!!!

Just for Ogre, I got pictures of my kids brushing llamas!

= = = =

= = = =

Oh wait... I think those were goats not baby llamas... they smell about the same. If I remember correctly, the only llama was behind two separate fences. Hmmm... I wonder if it was in time out for spitting. GRIN

Not Really McD's

We went to the McDonald's at Disney. I would not suggest it. But I did get some cute shots of my kids waiting on the food!

= = = =

= = = =

Tater was explaining how he broke the toy truck in his hand. Knowing I had just told him not to bang it on the table.

An Interesting Analysis of the History of Visual Basic and C

For those that read me that are NOT computer geeks... this won't be as funny as it is to those who are...

History of the BASIC family of languages

And just a few items from it:

1964 – A pair of instructors at Dartmouth College decide they have a group of students too lazy to learn FORTRAN. They produce a new language with only 26 variable names, so that even a lazy programmer can keep track of them. . . . 1974 – Star Trek games make up 82% of all programs written in BASIC on DEC time-sharing systems, and consume 99% of available CPU time. Players of the game learn the concept of an infinite loop when the game begins to endlessly repeat “Attempt to break contact. Contact not broken. Klingon attempt to break contact. Contact not broken…” . . . 2005 – Microsoft releases Visual Basic 2005, which contains a wizard to generate code for a fully functional Star Trek game.

And not to let C get away without some fun, here is the

History of the C family of languages

and a few items from it:

1972 - The precursor to C, the language B, is developed at Bell Labs. The B language is fast, easy to maintain, and useful for all kinds of development from systems to applications. The entire team that designed the language is immediately fired for behavior unbefitting a telephone company employee, and the project is handed to Dennis Ritchie. He alters the language to be incomprehensible, difficult to maintain, and only useful for systems development. He also designs in a pointer system guaranteed to give every program over 500 lines a pointer into the operating system.
. . .
1985 – A variant of C with object oriented capabilities, called C With Classes, is ready to go commercial. However, the name C With Classes is considered too clear and easy for outsiders to understand, so the commercial version is called C++.
. . .
2002 – C# is introduced as part of the release version of Microsoft .NET. C++ developers on the Microsoft platform rejoice over the concept of “managed code”, which means they finally receive the same automatic memory management features that Visual Basic has had since 1991 and Java has had since 1995.

Read the whole thing to really enjoy it. Very very funny.

My Sister and Code Monkeys

Yipeee!!! Tink has made it into town. With her lovely husband (known as Pan, and yes he does wear green tights). My good friend for many years, who grew up with me and our coding. I haven't coded in at least 10 years. But I still have memories and he still sends me stuff. At the conference this last week, he heard a song called Code Monkey. It is fantastic. Turn up your speakers and read the text. Psst... you will need to click the play button in the upper left next to the word Play to hear it.

Hotel Room Fun

Just throwing out some pictures quickly... hopefully will have more time this weekend to get it organized!

Here is our hotel for the 4 nights. Not a bad place. Wish we could have spent more time at the hotel having fun at the pool and playground... it seems the kids have fun anywhere and with anything...

What Do You Sing?

Learned something new this vacation. I sing to my children when they are really sick and need to be held and comforted. Guess I have been doing it for years and just forgot that I did it... until now. I had to sing in front of my hubby. I am aware that my voice sucks. But to my kids it is a comfort. While in the hotel room, I had to sing to Tot to get him to settle down. This is my version of "Hush Little Baby" that I sing:

Hush Little Baby, don't say a word
Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird

If that mockingbird won't sing
Momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring

If that diamond ring turns brass
Momma's gonna buy you a looking glass

If that looking glass gets broke
Momma's gonna buy you a nanny goat

If that nanny goat won't pull
Momma's gonna buy you a cart and mule

If that cart and mule fall over
Momma's gonna buy you a dog name Rover

If that dog name Rover won't bark
Momma still loves you with all her heart.

So what do you sing to your children or self or animals?

Love Those Boys

Got some great shots of the kids with Dad... (click to enlarge)

= = = =

= = = =

You gotta love how big they are all getting.

Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. He asks the blonde clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The blonde clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The pharmacist yells: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a laxative!"

The blonde clerk responds, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to cough."

Two For One Special

Howdy! We made it back last night. Nope, we weren't suppose to be back until tonight. Kids were not feeling good while on the trip and last night decided that sounding croupy would be the way to go. Was up Monday night midnight to 5am, then gotten up by the kids again at 6:30am. Drove home last night, getting to the house around 12:30am and back from the emergency room around 4:30am. Yes, both of my kids really did have croup. It's going to be a long couple of days. As soon as I get a chance, I will post pictures and stories. Though, you can visit Bou and wRitEsbLock for some stories and pictures. Too tired to find all the links... It was a pleasure meeting Rachel and Jim. Will try to write more on this later as well... Sleep... need some sleep... getting ready for the Dr. appointment this afternoon... later folks.

Side note: Thanks to Richmond for taking care of my blog while I was gone. Sticks was going to do some stuff today I think, but I'm back now.

Here Gator... Gator... Gator....

Yay Gatorland!!

Now, while I feel confident that VW and the boys are not here today, far be it for me to fail to share one of the more crazy rednecked interesting places in Orlando...

Especially if you like Gators. Me?? I'm not so crazy about them, but while we were vacationing in Orlando 3 years ago, we had an opportunity to enjoy a free afternoon at Gatorland, So I figured why not! It's gators! In a park! What's not fun about that!?! (yikes)

I mean, where else can you spend time watching some bow-chicka-bow-wow gator lovin'. Or see 10+ foot long gators leap into the air to snag whole chickens that have been strung over the "pit" on a clothes line. (And no, I'm not kidding...)

Or see some young fella wrassle a frisky gator into submission while being cheered on by fan filled bleachers?!? (That fella made the news about a month later - lost part of his face to said "I'm darn sick of wrasselin' you, Boy!!" Gator.)

And really... Everybody needs this picture, don't they??

Really.

But nope, I don't think that Tater and Tot are in Gatorland today.

I do however think they may have stormed a much more fortified bastion of cartoon history. Given the pictorial evidence, I'm pretty sure that they are holed up in Cinderella's castle... See??

You never leave a duck to guard the door... Never....

A preview of coming attractions??

Tater and Tot in 15 years?? Could be... There's nothing like brotherly love...

Happy Mother's Day

Humor for Friday

While VW is off again to the Happiest Place on Earth she has once again lost her ever lovin' mind left the keys to her blog to me and my new partner in crime, Sticks.

As a Mom, I know that in direct opposition to the taking the kids to the "Happiest Place on Earth" you sometimes have to be with them/take them to Hell on Earth, otherwise known as Wal-Mart.

Now keep in mind, I have nothing against Wal-Mart as a corporation or as a retailer. I just know how hard it can be to get in, get stuff, and get out with two toddlers in tow...

This entry, unfortunately, is *not* for the mom's of toddlers braving he isles of Wally World. You're busy enough, thanyouverymuch. But, if you are like me, and you find yourself in need of some amusement while at Wal-Mart, these handy dandy instructions I received via email might just do the trick...

So just for fun, and because it's Friday....

How to kill time at Wal-Mart

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner
is taking their sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when
they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3 Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3' in
house wares”..... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk ask s if they can help you, begin to cry and ask
“Why can't you people just leave me alone?”

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror,
and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows
where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loud humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different
size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And last but not least!)

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then,
yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Happy Mother's Day (a little early)

Off to Orlando again this weekend. Richmond and Sticks will be helping out again... be kind. Hence, I'm sharing what Tater brought home from school. It was a 'fill in the blank' paper. His teacher took the time to help him fill in those blanks. Right now Tater is big into Super Heros!!! And this really shows it. I have made his responses in Bold and with an underline.

My mother is the most wonderful mom in the whole world! She's as pretty as a firegirl. She weights 6 lbs and she is this (arrow pointing up) tall. Her favorite food is chicken.

In the good old days when Mom was little, she used to play in the bathtub.

I think Mom looks funny when she pretends to be scared.

I like it when Mom goes to the playground with me.

I wouldn't trade my Mom for a super Hero!

Noise Level

While talking on the phone to ArmyWifeToddlerMom, another call came through. She listened on the cell phone while I talked on the land line.

My neighbor called... well distant neighbor. Her dogs were going nuts and trying to get out of the yard down to my direction. The culprits? My kids with whistles and loud voices. She wanted to know if my kids were ok. Oops. Yaa, they're fine, just noisy.

I then made the kids stop. I had no idea how loud they could get. Guess I need a meter to read how loud those boys are when they are busy on the back porch.

Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

A married couple in their early 60s was out celebrating their 35th wedding Anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet Beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an Exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this Time, I will grant you each a wish."

"Oh, I want to travel around the World with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic Wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared In her hands. Then it was the husband's turn.

He thought for a moment And said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 Years younger than me."

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy waved her Magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old. The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.

Which B-Movie Am I? (Warning Contains Bad Language)

Found the quiz at Ogre's site and a ton of others...

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?

Fun at the Titty Twister.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Living in the South

Much has happened. Not enough time to write it all down. Hence, I'm going to give you some good ol' southern humor:

First some Southerness:

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. (** and my kids know how to pitch both of them)

- - -
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

- - -

In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural.
- - -

And now for a joke...

The Texas preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fainted.

Fire Out The Rear

Physic Geek found a great article of me in the news. Go check it out HERE.

Fish... and more Fish

We also went to Sea World. First is Tater and Tot watching Dad and M on Kraken:

= = = =

Next is Tater checking out the Seals... we decided against feeding them. Something about holding stinking, slimy dead fish and throwing them... I could see someone getting it on their clothes, hair and more.

= = = =

And a few cool pictures that turned out:

= = = =

= = = =

We are now finished with the Orlando trip that included M. Stay tuned for the Orlando trip that includes a whole lot more people in a week or two.

Part 4 - Fun With Dad

While Mom and M were riding the Test Track (I may not like heights, but I love speed... no wonder my kids like cars.), Dad found a spider web. Spiderman, aka Tater, had a great time. Tot did too.

= = = =

= = = =

= = = =

Part 3 - Random Pictures

Having fun on the 'Backstage Tour' with Mom while M and Dad are off on the Tower of Terror and Rock-N-Roll Roller Coaster.

= = = =

Tot sleeping during the Stunt show while Tater can't take his eyes off of it:

= = = =

The bad guys in Black cars are jumping ... after the hundredth time Tater has verified that the bad guys are in the Black cars and the super hero is in the Red car. Sigh. There is no super hero, just a hero. The guy in the Red car is just a great car driver and has NO special powers. Repeat again in 2 minutes.

Mother's Day is Coming

While searching through some pictures... I found these of Tater...

= = = =

Here I was holding him after a bath...

= = = =

Part 2 - The Fun Begins

Let's start with Race Cars!!!! Vroom Vroom! Tot is really getting into the race car idea now. Click to enlarge:

= = = =

M had enough sense to be first and stay ahead of everyone!

= = = =

And Tater was so excited because he passed 2 cars on his way. Even though he was behind us at the 'finish line'.

= = = =

It was fun and the kids (all of us) loved it.

Part 1 - Sleep Issues at Wally World

Too much happened to put it all in one post. I'll start with our sleeping arrangements. And some far distance memories. Before Kids (BK), I was a planner. An organizer. Someone who paid attention to details. All that has changed. And here is a great example of that...

I got a special deal for Florida Residences / Passholders at Disney for the Fort Wilderness Cabins. It could sleep 6. It had a 'kitchen'. I was psyched. I looked at the pictures and it looked like everyone slept in the same 'area'. 2 queen beds (one was a murphy) and a bunkbed. Kids could sleep on one queen, mom and dad on the other and M could have her choice of bunk beds.

Remember that person who use to r.e.a.d. and pay attention to details. She's gone. I missed the part about one queen and the bunk beds being in a separate room. Oh yes folks... that was NOT the layout I wanted. My kids are too young to be on a top bunk.

Now let me explain a little about the sleeping arrangements at home... I put Tot to bed and he doesn't like to be touched when falling asleep. Hubby puts Tater to bed... and Tater likes to be touched as he is falling asleep. Are you catching on to the problem here? Two kids, one single bed and difference sleeping patterns. The first night we didn't get the kids to sleep until after 9:30pm... and they woke up off and on all night. Here is a picture of the 'darlings' (click to enlarge):

= = = =

The next night was again an after 9pm sleep time... and Tot successfully pushed the bed rail off and fell to the floor. At 3am. Sigh. You are catching on to what is happening here right?

Yaaa... we were tired. All of us. But we did have some fun. I'll be posting some more pictures in the next day or two and stories of the fun times we had!

More Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

Humor for Dreaded Wednesday

Saw this in an email... probably already out in the blog-o-sphere... but I couldn't resist (click to enlarge):

Thank You!!

Thanks to Sticks and Richmond, my place is a mess. Ok, it really isn't their fault, but geeze, I hate the clean up that occurs when you get home. 10:24pm and this last item before I go... who's house is it that you rolled. I love the stairs, but I don't have a 2 story house.

Thanks again you two!!

Test of Blogger Trackbacks

This is a test....

For Tink's post Tink's Tales of Tribulations...

Welcome Home VWBug

WoW! Richmond and I have had a fantastic time camping out here while VW was away playing with Mice and Fish. (Ow, thought flash! Use Mickey mouse for bait and then use Shamu for sushi. Would that make it mouse sushi? Yuck. Never mind. So much for brilliant thoughts.)

Oh, well. To get back on track. (Do you detect some ADD here?!)

RICHMOND AND I SPENT HOURS TALKING AND LAUGHING....

Since I have known VW for most of my life, I have stories on her. That is why she trembles and stutters and beats her head against the wall when she asks me to guest post for her. I know things.

Recently Rave posted on an episode in her life. This brought flashbacks immediately. Hence, my story.

High School years. Teenage antics.

First, you have to understand. I was not a social butterfly. More like encased in the coccoon. On the other hand, my older sister, Valentine, was. She was captain of the cheerleaders, honor student, in all the hip clubs. Very popluar. The big thing at that time was rolling each other's houses. Ours was rolled on a regular basis by my sister's friends. It was always in fun and my parents thought it was a riot. They got a kick out of it.

Well, one Easter we went out of town for the holiday weekend. When we came home Sunday afternoon the house was beautiful. Our house was decorated in toliet paper from porch to street. It was known we were out of town so the perpetrators did not hurry. There was pastel toliet paper everywhere. Yes, they used colors. Three, if my memory serves me right. Bicycles were rolled. The crape Myrtle tree looked like a mummy. I think they even did the cars and boats that were left behind. You couldn't even get to the front door without breaking the TP. I don't think I have ever seen my mother laugh so hard. She ran inside and grabbed the camera. Yes, I have photos. Unfortantely, I didn't see Rave's post until after my trip home last weekend. I will have to remember to dig them up next time I'm home. It was the best TP job I have ever seen. A true work of art.

We all assumed this was the work of my sister's friends. I never gave it another thought. Until a few years ago. When I was mentioned the event and VW admits, "Oh, it was me and our other friends." All these years, I had a motive for revenge and didn't know it. Until now. Paybacks. (VW, if any of my details are wrong, please forgive me. After 20 something years that happens. You may defend yourself though. Draw your invisible sword if you have to.)

...AND PLOTTING. YES, PLOTTING. I HAVE A NEW COHORT IN CRIME.

GOTCHA!

WE LOVE YOU.

Richmond and Sticks. (Opps, we got carried away)